Remembering what I’m after

Back at Cornell after Spring Break… had a great time at home.

We visited my grandfather on my Dad’s side. Weirdly enough, he has esophageal cancer as well and has been getting treated for it for awhile now (I just haven’t made note of it on here… or did I?). Anyways, so we apparently now have a history of cancer in my family. He was doing well, at least seemed so in the short time we were there; but, from what I’m told, it’s not looking great…

So, it again got me thinking. I’m finally thinking again for the first time in a little while… why am I making Stage IV? It’s something that you can really miss if you don’t watch it. When you get to work on a programming job… you can just totally lose sight of why you’re doing it in the first place. I’m making Stage IV because I want to share my family’s experience. I want to give other people the chance to be in our situation, and… well, I want to make people think about things that you might not think about otherwise. I mean… I dunno. I’ve said it before, but in 2006, when my dad was fighting, I certainly wasn’t that close to it. I was at Cornell. But I really feel that it brought me closer to… something… than I ever was before and have ever been since. What that something is, I really couldn’t pin down. But it was some… certainty, some truth. *shrugs*. Conversely, maybe that’s just the normal reaction to things like that… to think that there’s really something more than just a man dying. Still, I’m making Stage IV in the hopes of recapturing that feeling, that notion of something more. But now, I want to look at it from 4 perspectives… my dad, my mom, myself, and Macy’s. I think we’re 4 different people, but I think that all 4 of us had at least some sense of the thing I’m talking about.

And I’m rambling, so I’m just gonna stop now.